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If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
The truth is more important than the facts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
最終更新日 : 2012/05/14/(Mon) 16:48
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